It is sad that everyone is moving on without me. I wished things were like before. Mindless chatting with J, we were so comfortable with each other, supporting other during exams, through hard times. Having someone to tell everything to, and now we hardly see each other, and when we do they don't want to spend time with me. I miss being in church, how I am so involved in the activities and everything that is happening there, while now people are planning stuff without me. There is nowhere that I completely feel at home anymore. I feel intruding in church, I'm hardly at home, isolated from my friends which I have no time to talk to, so it may very well be my fault, and I'm also just a small, dispensable minor at work. Here a little, there a little, never being anywhere, and no one will miss me when I'm gone. A part of me wishes that KL would come faster yknow? So that I can start anew, to be somewhere where I have never felt these things before, to make a home from scratch, to not be at home, in church, places I've known for years and years, and feel not at home. I see things that I miss, that I am no longer a part of, and my heart, my soul aches to belong. Because how can home not be home? How can something so familiar become strange and alien? Then where is home? That's so messed up. The only place I can think of now that is home is heaven, and I'm not there yet, so does that leave me homeless? Shall i be a wandering pilgrim, staying but not settling, a rolling stone gathering no moss, no close friends no ties, dying old, alone and full of regrets? But no matter what my sorrows, my cries, I know that God has a plan, and I will still praise Him, praise Him, and one day I will go home.
l am aware the world does not revolve around me, I just never thought that it would leave me behind.
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